Instagram Bullying

Watching Daisy_crumpets taking a mistake I made and turning me into the most horrifically evil person known to the sewing community (all kinda anonymous) has to be the most shocking thing I experienced this year and…I mean it’s been 2016. Here’s a conversation daisy conveniently never mentions.

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I really messed up. I take full accountability and say, with everybody else, the Linden I made was very badly done.

I was wrong but a continued dialogue intended to make me feel like shit is enough. Especially when it’s based on so much being twisted and lying/omission on the other persons side. I don’t make excuses. But this, I’m sick of being the punished. If you didn’t see Daisy instagram post about the events, I wish I hadn’t either but to summarise. Megan is mean. Megan is awful. Megan is cheap. Megan took away my sense of worth. This well known blogger and vlogger is a worthless hack. Megan gave me rubbish. Megan did this on purpose. Megan stole christmas.

Only taken down when Sooz wrote this. I’m sure it would be hundreds deep in comments and likes by now.

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Apparently a line was draw? but then

d-jab

And if you want to strip it down, no sewing straight my life. I’m 4 weeks behind on everything (but that’s health related) for this. The thing that really throw me off balance is my abuser (physical) trying to come back into my life. I keep trying to type about the violence I’ve experienced recently but I can’t, I always end up deleting. Just violence brings up so much chaos in the mind and in actions and I’ve been trying so so so hard to hold myself together and it’s been working. Some people know about the shoulder surgery I had this year and it was the person who gave me that injury. Only my family and a closest friends or people at that time know the ins and outs. This isn’t the place. I wanna probably to be in denial, definitely not be pitied and absolutely leave it in the past but since that person is out of prison now it’s harder. The ‘sewing community ‘ who want my blood. There it is. I’m not a sob story because whatever happens in my life I still try and go forward with kindess.

So that’s the answer to what can disorganise a life, are you not entertained. You want my life beyond instagram? You want more???screen-shot-2016-12-21-at-11-58-44

Since I feel like this is such a personal attack on my character and people really want to stick the knife in I can get doctors notes and show scars if you like?

I’m crumbling and trying to push forward with a facade until I get through like I’ve done before but all this is new and making me spiral.

Should I have put that in the message? I absolutely don’t think I needed to for someone to accept an apology. If someone said sorry to me, said they’ld send a new one and were actively in the sewing community. I would give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had bad swaps, it’s frustrating and no one ever contacted me. I’ve taken part in swaps and I know those people can vouch for the gifts I give. I always want to give the best I can and I still tired on this occasion but couldn’t and I wanted to amends, thought I could and wanted to again just at a later date. I was sorry and I did want a resolution, which would make Daisy happy.

I should have started the Linden two months ago but I thought two weeks would be enough time, my emotions, health problems. I had one weekend left but the pattern was cut/ready and I had supplies and I thought it was a simple pattern. Crazily that tortured mess took me the best part of a day. I didn’t count the hours. Overlocker problems, my technique problems, I really picked the wrong fabric.

My thought process and the making of a monster Linden

The finished project was not at all what I had hoped. I did what I thought was the best. The Linden was made with fabric and trimming I thought Daisy would love. I didn’t have enough piping for another and the fabric didn’t work. It was awful but I thought of it as a token, something to show I had tried?? Not a finalised version and definitely the ugliest Linden-baby ever but filled with good intention….I did a contrast pink overlocked thread to match the piping, cut out liberty applique but scraped that idea, thought of lace and really wanted to create something she would love but also remind her of who gave it to her.

I technically did have time to sew a new Linden with stash fabric and if I had fabric I thought Daisy would like I would have. I didn’t think Daisy would like any of the fabric I had plus the thread wouldn’t match and the contrast wouldn’t have been a feature.

I thought a fresh Linden, made with a toile, not rushed…….with a surprise gift (African wax print, I bought some already, before the instagram post, I thought she’ld love) as a sorry for the wait would be best.

I’m in Uganda, seeing my Grandma, I’ve not seen for 10 years, seeing how AIDS has torn families (mine included) apart, hearing my mum talk about growing up under Idi Amin and looking at extreme poverty and….writing this post?? Seriously? I can’t believe this swap is the only thing I can think about and is giving me so much pain. I’m trying my hardest to not make this define my Christmas and the limited time I have with my family.

I’ve been crying at night about this before and after my husbands sleeps so he doesn’t worry about me. Which typing sounds ridiculously dramatic, this cherry on top of a fucking awful 4 weeks! This has brought out a lot of emotions I’ve been containing. I’ve realised I’m most upset over how my biggest form of escapism, my therapy and one of the biggest joys I have is now pure anxiety. I love to sew. I love photography and love meeting people who talk sewing and that feels gone and tainted now but post in my clean slate.

Coming into a new year message, if you still think I’m awful please message and we can unfollow or if I’m following you I want to unfollow. Seeing bloggers I respect and like (but havent actually met) talking so badly about me has got to be the most gutting thing and I want to leave that behind. I’m stopping crying from today and I’m moving forward.  This would have come sooner but getting wifi were I am is difficult!

Perspective wise, I don’t even know what a future employed would say if they saw this.

This post is so personal even my closest sewing friends won’t know a lot of detail but the support and love i got from the true friends I’ve met through this makes me feel like I can really be myself in a safe environment.

I want to say have a Merry Christmas and I wish true love to everybody xxx

 

 

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42 thoughts on “Instagram Bullying

  1. Oh Meg I want to whizz down to London and come and give you a colossal hug!!! I had no idea about what had happened with the swap but I did see CraftySooze’s post about a general incident but I had no idea of the context of it all. I really admire your willingness to own up to the mistake and your immediate offer to make it right, that’s a brave thing to do when things go wrong. I’m so so so sorry to hear that you’re having having a rough time at the minute – if you ever ever need to talk about anything at all sewing or otherwise, please just message me xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You don’t need this bullshit in your life. Just like you don’t need any form of abuse. I wish for happier calmer stronger days ahead for you and know you will do that by weeding out the negative, dangerous or unsupportive elements from your life (in person and online). You are a lovely person with ambitions, successes and failures, kindness and drive. I hope you know you are not being pushed out of a predominantly supportive and friendly sewing community. You’ve just been accidentally led into a grimey alley where trolls hide. Well done for shining a light on this, that was brave Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I will reserve judgement on your swap partner’s character because I don’t know her at all but I can tell you this–her reaction was completely disproportionate to that actual item she received (is just a shirt!!!!!!) and life will go on for her. You–you seem like a kind, thoughtful person who tried to make it right. And there are much bigger, more important things to focus on. I hope you can shake this off and continue to be present in your trip to see family. Lots of thoughts and a hug from a stranger in the US who enjoys your vlogs!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh this is so saddening (and maddening) to read about Megan, I’m so sorry you’ve gone through (and are still going through) all of this! I completely missed all of this going down (I don’t follow daisy_crumpet and didn’t take part in the Linden swap) but in my opinion, you were mistreated here, and it really doesn’t fit with the sewing community I know and love.

    In addition to what I said on your Instagram post (that you’re amazeballs and please never change; I’m here for you whenever you need it; and I wish I could give you a massive hug right now), please, please don’t let this damage your spirit and make you leave the sewing community!! I will miss you far too fucking much (and it’s all about me! :D). Focus on having an amazing time with your family. xxx

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  5. My heart breaks for you as I read this because I know exactly how hard it is to move on in your life after violence/abuse and how it affects every possible aspect of your life. You tried, you explained, you offered alternatives and you were kind. You did everything you could have done and responded in a way that was more than adequate. Personally I’d be more worried about what was going on in a persons life to get in the way like that and if they were coping than what I’d received. Its hard when you’ve got so many things going on in your life and you’re barely coping and someone makes you feel terrible like that. Sure, you could have dropped out, you could have started earlier….but you tried and put the effort in regardless. Sure it didn’t turn out but thats hardly the end of the world. For me sewing has been a form of therapy and I hope that soon joy will soon come back into your sewing. Don’t let this throw you. Some people just don’t understand the complexity of other peoples lives, this is something I myself have learnt over time. Posting that was very mean spirited of her and I hope you start to feel better about it soon.

    xx

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  6. I CANNOT believe how nasty those messages are. You did everything you could in the circumstances, apologising and offering to replace it. (I think, by the way, you are completely absolved of having to send her anything now – she doesn’t deserve any more of your time, money, or energy.) Her comments are so nasty and manipulative – how dare she??! I understand that you are the person in the situation, so you probably feel upset and intimidated – but as someone speaking from outside of the situation, I am angry on your behalf. Is a jumper with a wonky neckband really a good enough reason to try and make someone feel like shit??? Definitely not. Excuse my French, but fuck her.

    As far as the other things going on in your life go – that sounds awful. Well done to you for getting out of that abusive situation to start with, and well done on having the courage to talk about it now.

    You look after you, and fuck what someone thinks about a jumper.

    Sending love,

    Emy
    X

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  7. WOW! I’m sorry, perhaps I’m not understanding the format of the exchange or perhaps it’s a cultural thing….but where I come from if someone gives you a gift (no matter how crappy, or how much you don’t like it) you smile and say thank you….and. that’s. it.
    I am very sorry that after everything else that is apparently going on in your life, you’re having to deal with this on top of it. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Megan- if it helps I’ve seen nothing and heard nothing about this swap. Sometimes it can feel like everyone is talking about you when really aside from the main characters probably we’re not. Take a break from all the nastiness and try to calm your anxieties through whatever routes work for you (for me it’s running, walking the dog and sewing). Hope you feel better soon

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  9. This is so sad and it sounds like it came in a long line of difficult and terrible things happening to you this year. Bullies are terrible and it’s very brave of you to speak out against her. I hope 2017 is kinder to you and all the love and support you get from this post helps to raise you up and give you strength. Many hugs to you! ❤ ❤

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  10. Megan, I can barely type this through the tears, this post is so awful! I can’t believe what you have been through and can’t believe such nastiness is happening in this sewing community that I’ve come to love so much thinking that it’s full of supportive, lovely, craftsy people.

    I hadn’t seen any of this on Instagram, but like everyone else who’s commented I think Daisy has been absolutely atrocious!! The irony of her going on about the meaning of Christmas!! Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

    Please don’t let her get to you any more. You’re an amazing person AND sewist and clearly she must be going through some things in her life to have made her react like that. It really is bullying, and there’s never any real basis in bullying except the bully’s own issues. Brush it off, it’s nothing. Your sewing friends can see you for who you are and personally I’d love a wonky Linden or whatever made my someone else who had put such thought into it.

    As for what’s going on in your actual life.. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through but I admire you so much for getting through it, recovering, being such a sunny person after all that, and for being brace enough to share it in a post.

    Sending you lots and lots of love and wishing you and yours a lovely Christmas.

    xxx Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dear Megan, I regularly come across your posts on Instagram and as a new sewer I can say you are an inspiration! I too haven’t seen the posts that people are talking about, but I wanted to say that it would be a real shame if you let this insignificant insident discourage you from doing something you are clearly passionate about! I hope you can enjoy your Christmas holiday and I look forward to seeing what you sew in the new year!
    Lots of love! Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Dear Megan, you were my first blog follower, and just for that, I will be eternally grateful. I do not want you to be perfect, I just want you to be happy. If people have other expectations of you, you should drop them like a hot potato. I really would like to keep on sharing my love of sewing with you. I wish you and your loved ones a very happy holiday season XX Chantal

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  13. I’m really sorry you are so upset! I know nothing of what the Lindenswap is about but I’m sure it can’t justify such nastiness?! No sweatshirt can justify that, as far as I’m concerned. But then, maybe those of us who believe that the sewing community is insulated against the general nastiness of the world have been dreaming?
    Anyway, go and make yourself your own sweatshirt and drink to that and Christmas and hopefully to a much better 2017!
    Lots of love, Chris

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  14. I’m horrified. I am sad you had to experience this, as I had a similar experience before. I hope and pray that life gives you nothing but good experiences, health and happiness going forward. Godspeed.

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  15. Hi Megan,

    I don’t know you personally, but this post really spoke to me! I’m so sorry you have experienced this and then had it amplified on social media. I have experienced some of the same things this year, with people really taking a small mistake and blowing it our of proportion.

    I have finally realized that all of the politeness and etiquette my Mother drilled into me, that I thought was silly and outdated, is truly the greatest gift she could have given me. No one should ever receive a gift, especially handmade, and complain about it. EVER. There is no excuse for toddler-tantrum behavior like that. If a piece of clothing makes her feel worthless, then she has got a miserable life ahead of her. You take care of you!

    I wish you the very best and a happy new year!
    Megan E.

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  16. Dear sweet Megan
    Please don’t let another’s expectations impact your good will and intentions. We are fallible and don’t have perfect lives. Things affect us. It sounds you have been going through awful times. I totally get that as experienced myself and worked with dv for ten years. The fact you are getting to sewing is achievement enough. Please put it behind you and move into 2017 the lovely kind and strong woman you are. Lots more giggles with Gabby are required. Take care. Enjoy your break with your loved ones. Xxx

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  17. I am utterly disgusted in the way you have been treated, for someone who is receiving a gift to be so ungrateful and vile, she should be ashamed of herself. I think she sounds like a horrible and malicious person that I am thankful I don’t know in person. You may have many things going on in your life but genuine kindness and love comes from within and shines though despite what life throws at you, some people (person!!) obviously lack this which is sad. I think you should pity her for lacking in the qualities that you have and let go of some of the other feelings you have. Lots of love heading your way xx xx ps definitely do not make another for her, delete and forget her, your time could be far better spent!

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  18. Oh I just want to hug you. I’m so sorry you’ve felt so down about the swap, especially with everything else you have going on 😦 I saw the original post and literally commented to say that it was sad, but obviously everything had been taken out of context and all I saw were those photos of the finished Linden. I think you did the best you could by admitting what you’d made wasn’t the best and offering to re do it. Of course, no one knew you’d done that, so seeing all those comments must have really hurt and I apologise for the comment I made, despite it being a fairly innocuous one. Sending you lots of love and I really hope you find the joy in sewing (and IG) again soon. x x x

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  19. Try to put this all behind you. As others have said it was not apparent on social media. I didn’t even know there was a Linden swap til the other day. It sounds like there’s a lot of hurt in your life right now. You owe it to yourself to take good care of yourself. X

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  20. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Daisy’s reaction was very poor and you do not deserve the outcome of her tantrum. It’s very sad that there are people that cannot see beyond their own (non)problems to understand that others may be going through something much worse. You are an incredible soul and seeing you on Gabbadashery’s vlog I can tell that you are incredibly kind-spirited and humble. I know this type of thing would be tough to get past right away, but please know that many of us in the sewing community are behind you and understand that you did everything you could to make it right. It’s time to focus on what is most important, your family and your health. Please don’t let this experience turn you away from sewing, you are so talented ❤

    Many, many hugs

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  21. Meg, you are a queen! You should never have been subjected to this complete nonsense and I salute your bravery for sharing this and standing up to the bully. I cannot believe that a grown woman felt that it was appropriate to treat you in this way, at a time when our world is pretty awful too and over a freakin’ sweater for goodness sakes. Daisy needs to take a serious look at her priorities in life if a sweater is enough to upset her world. Meg you are a wonderful sewer and I really enjoy taking a peak at your makes and feel very inspired by your blog posts. Please don’t let this dent your confidence and please don’t leave instagram. Sewing is meant to be a nice relaxing safe space to creatively express yourself and I would feel like a troll had won if the negativity stops you from making. Last year when I started my blog, my life had been in a pretty awful place and I started my blog as something positive to focus on while I tried to recover and hang onto my sanity and my health. You were the very first person who followed my blog and it made me feel pretty fab, so thank you for that and I am sending you the most enormous, enormous hug. Here’s to 2017. Tif xxx

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  22. I stumbled on your post whilst looking at recommended blog posts this evening. I was horrified at what I read and really feel for you and how you have been treated by a fellow blogger. I thought the whole idea of this community was to support each other in our passion and celebrate not only our achievements but also learn though those projects that didn’t work so well, for whatever reason. To be subjected to that amount of abuse and hatred is horrendous and I admire you for being so generous (not sure that’s the right word but hopefully you understand what I mean!) in the face of such awful messages. People really need to stop and think about the power of the words they are using and how they can affect people. I hope you are beginning to recover from everything that has happened recently and that you can return to and enjoy sewing once more very soon. Sending lots of love and hugs your way xxx

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  23. Never, ever, ever let other people belittle you. I know lots of people who pull others down or cause destruction just to make themselves feel or look better – I’ve been subject to that personally this year – and they are not worth another minute of your time and energy. Ridding of them and thoughts of them from your life is the best thing you can do for yourself.
    Unfortunately sometimes they come after you. Be strong and always be yourself. I wish you peace and happiness.

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  24. I’m old, so I get to give you a piece of advice. Misunderstandings on the internet are hard to undo, and it’s easier to dig a bigger hole to wallow in than to dig your way out of it. Both actions look the same when you’re holding the shovel. Virtual communications are easy to misconstrue. And as anyone who has ever made a gift for someone else (and that’s all of us in this queue, right?) knows, it’s hard to get it right, no matter how good you are or professional you might be. What it is to you, it’s not to them. Arguing about it just digs a bigger hole. Oh, and yes, revenge is a dish best served cold; and it tastes like shit to everyone.

    At present, I’m awash in a business divorce, and my goal is to make it easy for people to do the right thing. Not responding to the bait, keeping my car parked on another block, locking my mailbox, you get the drift. In a year, we’ll all look back and be sorry and be in a better place than right now. If no one ends up in jail or the ER, more’s the better.

    More I cannot wish you. Happy holidays, damn it!

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  25. Oh my! I had never heard of a Linden swap until now. I hadn’t seen any of these posts until now. You have to remember that 50 or 100 or whatever likes or views is not your whole world. There are even sewists that don’t even know that something happened. You tried, you apologized, I don’t know why the other lady got her knickers in a knot – but when I am given a gift I say Thank you whether it is a fine diamond or a lump of coal. You are very kind to offer to replace it, but I certainly wouldn’t now after this lady spiralled out of control. I guess we have to assume she is under some kind of pressure or at a sad point in her life and have to forgive and forget – as she should have done. This is not the time of year especially for tears, strife, anger, or any other attitude. Peace and Goodwill to All Men as they say. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Hey Megan

    It’s really horrid to think of such bullying in our lovely instagram sewing family. It always seems like such a wonderful, positive safe space.
    Chin up duck and stay strong, it’ll blow over before you know it.

    Merry Christmas
    Sarah x (@likesewamazing)

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  27. That a (allegedly badly made) jumper could send anyone on an emotional rollercoaster makes me wonder what else is beyond all this. Surely it has nothing to do with You, Megan. Your swap arrived at the wrong time to the wrong person. Personally I can’t wait to see your next makes (the good and the ugly!) and to get together again.

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  28. I am shocked by the behaviour shown in these messages, you absolutely made the effort to make it right and she went out of her way to make you feel bad. It is not the sewing community I know and love, and your efforts to participate in this swap despite everything you are going through shows your strength of character and your trust that you can turn to this community for support. I want you to know that you still can, this is unlike anything I have witnessed and It is clear from the reactions in this comment thread that others feel the same. If I had received your lovely effort and your kind message, I would have told you it was the thought that counts and you did a great job. Thanks for sharing the story and I am giving you big hugs from Canada 🙂 ❤

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  29. Megan, this is the first I’ve heard about the Linden-swap and your terrible time x
    Hopefully now you have shared your story and are now surrounded family who love you it will be the cathartic tonic you need to be able to move on from this distressing incident. Please don’t let this experience stop your enjoyment of your hobby and I look forward to reading about your next adventures in sewing.
    All the best, Caroline (CJ Made)

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  30. First I’ve heard of it too. I’m appalled by the ungracious way your item was received regardless of Daisy’s opinion of it. Move on, make something beautiful, ‘haters gonna hate’ and no one needs to be part of that. Sending virtual hugs.

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  31. Hi Megan, firstly I’m sorry you’re in pain. And I’m sure your husband would want to give you all the support he could, if he knew the extent of your suffering. I’m sorry you’ve gone through all of this, what probably feels like some sort of punishment… And I’m sure a big part of writing this is to air your point of view, to make sure you’re defending yourself. Hopefully you can see from all the comments here, that anyone who matters is supportive of you, and your creativitiy. And most of us didn’t know anything about the swap, or the nastiness…
    If a wonky top can make someone feel worthless, then there’s obviously much more going on in their life too… In other words, this isn’t a reflection of you.

    This is the time to heal, repair, take care of yourself – and not make any rash decisions about anything. If you stop doing something you love, because of a nasty incident like this, that would be tragic.
    Sending love x

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  32. I just heard about this now and now I’m honestly speechless and almost in tears reading this. I don’t really know what to say to console you, but always remember that there are people who support you, that you are a great person and don’t let anyone tear you down!
    many hugs!!

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  33. What an awful experience! Don’t let the other person’s paranoid response keep you away from the joy of sewing & the community, which is vast & in no way all in agreement with her (or even heard of her). Move on to more positive people. You don’t need that sort of negativity. Enjoy your sewing, successes & mistakes & all! Have a very merry Xmas & may your 2017 be much much better! Hugs

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  34. No-one has the right to make you feel this way and I can see you’re trying to put it behind you and go forward, but it’s damn hard. You don’t need to apologise for anything – you already approached this person with decency and courtesy and received very little of the same in return. At the risk of sounding like a jerk, please don’t send them anything extra; their behaviour towards you has completely exonerated you from any obligation towards them (in my opinion, anyway).

    Along with everyone else, I’d like to wish you a much better 2017. May it be full of a LOT of selfish sewing and the sort of people who are good for you.

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  35. I am truly sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story, your thoughts and your emotions. Please know that person does not speak for the sewing community. You are supported. You have been heard. You are important.

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  36. I’m so sorry you had to go through this Megan: I think this is one of those things that’s specific to the internet. In real life if you came across someone like this your warnings signals would go flashing early on and you’d run but online we just don’t know and project and assume others are like we are: straight-forward, fairly reasonable, certainly not vindictive. I don’t think the rest of the sewing community will think any less of you as we’re mostly straight-forward, fairly reasonable, etc. Like my MIL says, “some people are funny”.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I somehow missed this on IG but just wanted to say how brave you are to post all of this here. I absolutely get what it’s like to be pushed on a deadline and not do the best I can but you did your best and offered to put it right. Shaming you on social media was disgraceful behaviour and I’m sorry you were left feeling so awful. I love your sewing and style, and the sewing community has your back 🙂

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  38. I know this is old now but-lovely next christmas soon! what a facking cow!! I would have loved that Linden truly,worse probably comes out of american apparrel.Karma will get her and the same Karma will bring you loveliness xxx

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