Watching Daisy_crumpets taking a mistake I made and turning me into the most horrifically evil person known to the sewing community (all kinda anonymous) has to be the most shocking thing I experienced this year and…I mean it’s been 2016. Here’s a conversation daisy conveniently never mentions.
I really messed up. I take full accountability and say, with everybody else, the Linden I made was very badly done.
I was wrong but a continued dialogue intended to make me feel like shit is enough. Especially when it’s based on so much being twisted and lying/omission on the other persons side. I don’t make excuses. But this, I’m sick of being the punished. If you didn’t see Daisy instagram post about the events, I wish I hadn’t either but to summarise. Megan is mean. Megan is awful. Megan is cheap. Megan took away my sense of worth. This well known blogger and vlogger is a worthless hack. Megan gave me rubbish. Megan did this on purpose. Megan stole christmas.
Only taken down when Sooz wrote this. I’m sure it would be hundreds deep in comments and likes by now.
Apparently a line was draw? but then
And if you want to strip it down, no sewing straight my life. I’m 4 weeks behind on everything (but that’s health related) for this. The thing that really throw me off balance is my abuser (physical) trying to come back into my life. I keep trying to type about the violence I’ve experienced recently but I can’t, I always end up deleting. Just violence brings up so much chaos in the mind and in actions and I’ve been trying so so so hard to hold myself together and it’s been working. Some people know about the shoulder surgery I had this year and it was the person who gave me that injury. Only my family and a closest friends or people at that time know the ins and outs. This isn’t the place. I wanna probably to be in denial, definitely not be pitied and absolutely leave it in the past but since that person is out of prison now it’s harder. The ‘sewing community ‘ who want my blood. There it is. I’m not a sob story because whatever happens in my life I still try and go forward with kindess.
So that’s the answer to what can disorganise a life, are you not entertained. You want my life beyond instagram? You want more???
Since I feel like this is such a personal attack on my character and people really want to stick the knife in I can get doctors notes and show scars if you like?
I’m crumbling and trying to push forward with a facade until I get through like I’ve done before but all this is new and making me spiral.
Should I have put that in the message? I absolutely don’t think I needed to for someone to accept an apology. If someone said sorry to me, said they’ld send a new one and were actively in the sewing community. I would give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ve had bad swaps, it’s frustrating and no one ever contacted me. I’ve taken part in swaps and I know those people can vouch for the gifts I give. I always want to give the best I can and I still tired on this occasion but couldn’t and I wanted to amends, thought I could and wanted to again just at a later date. I was sorry and I did want a resolution, which would make Daisy happy.
I should have started the Linden two months ago but I thought two weeks would be enough time, my emotions, health problems. I had one weekend left but the pattern was cut/ready and I had supplies and I thought it was a simple pattern. Crazily that tortured mess took me the best part of a day. I didn’t count the hours. Overlocker problems, my technique problems, I really picked the wrong fabric.
My thought process and the making of a monster Linden
The finished project was not at all what I had hoped. I did what I thought was the best. The Linden was made with fabric and trimming I thought Daisy would love. I didn’t have enough piping for another and the fabric didn’t work. It was awful but I thought of it as a token, something to show I had tried?? Not a finalised version and definitely the ugliest Linden-baby ever but filled with good intention….I did a contrast pink overlocked thread to match the piping, cut out liberty applique but scraped that idea, thought of lace and really wanted to create something she would love but also remind her of who gave it to her.
I technically did have time to sew a new Linden with stash fabric and if I had fabric I thought Daisy would like I would have. I didn’t think Daisy would like any of the fabric I had plus the thread wouldn’t match and the contrast wouldn’t have been a feature.
I thought a fresh Linden, made with a toile, not rushed…….with a surprise gift (African wax print, I bought some already, before the instagram post, I thought she’ld love) as a sorry for the wait would be best.
I’m in Uganda, seeing my Grandma, I’ve not seen for 10 years, seeing how AIDS has torn families (mine included) apart, hearing my mum talk about growing up under Idi Amin and looking at extreme poverty and….writing this post?? Seriously? I can’t believe this swap is the only thing I can think about and is giving me so much pain. I’m trying my hardest to not make this define my Christmas and the limited time I have with my family.
I’ve been crying at night about this before and after my husbands sleeps so he doesn’t worry about me. Which typing sounds ridiculously dramatic, this cherry on top of a fucking awful 4 weeks! This has brought out a lot of emotions I’ve been containing. I’ve realised I’m most upset over how my biggest form of escapism, my therapy and one of the biggest joys I have is now pure anxiety. I love to sew. I love photography and love meeting people who talk sewing and that feels gone and tainted now but post in my clean slate.
Coming into a new year message, if you still think I’m awful please message and we can unfollow or if I’m following you I want to unfollow. Seeing bloggers I respect and like (but havent actually met) talking so badly about me has got to be the most gutting thing and I want to leave that behind. I’m stopping crying from today and I’m moving forward. This would have come sooner but getting wifi were I am is difficult!
Perspective wise, I don’t even know what a future employed would say if they saw this.
This post is so personal even my closest sewing friends won’t know a lot of detail but the support and love i got from the true friends I’ve met through this makes me feel like I can really be myself in a safe environment.
I want to say have a Merry Christmas and I wish true love to everybody xxx